:: Too much of not enough ::

:: Thursday, September 25, 2003 ::

It's strange how I can feel really happy one minute, and really upset the next.

Earlier, I was just looking through some Ed Norton magazine cuttings (and obviously I was happy!) cos everything was fine at that point. ..
And then, I find out Courtney, Heather (and James, Sally and Sam) are all going to see Muse in Brighton. But I'm going to see them in Bournemouth (with Paul, Shaun and Sophia).

When me and Heather were in school, this was like 2 years ago, and we were talking about Muse touring, we said if they toured we'd all go in this big group. And now they are..but we aren't.

I'm upset because I asked Heather if she wanted to go when I was ordering the tickets (this was in July) and she said no I can't - and I was upset about that but I just thought, alright well if you can't you cant. But now I find out she is, with other people!
It'd be cool if they were all going to Bournemouth as well...but they're not.
I'm just feeling hurt because it was me and Heather that liked them before any of the others did.... and I just wanted to share the experience with her

I actually feel like crying at the moment, I just feel really upset. I wish I had bought more tickets - I just thought since she said no, then she wouldn't be going so I don't need to buy more, b ut if I had, she'd be able to go.

don't really want to write anymore, i want to go to bed and fall asleep.


:: Alana 9:55 PM [+] ::
...

OH MY GOD.... I haven't written in this thing for months! I just forgot about it.
bah..too much to say,,,, erm.... well.... got crap in my AS levels ( C D E U), have to re-take a few exams.
-first years are overtaking the college....theres 860 of them, compared to about 400 2nd years! the college is so packed u can hardly move, and it used to be so peaceful......
- Still with shaun (4 and a half months now!)
- Still besotted with eddy! (and I saw the eddy lookylikey for the first time in months at the station today! but hes cut his hair a bit short :( still gelled back though, and he still has the bumfluff! but he was wearing an icky black carpet jumper...yuck)
-Seeing the ITalian Jobby on sat i think
- dropped physics, yay!
- went to turkey for a week with dad! (cant be arsed to write it all down, it was cool)
- Did my first dive for months on sunday! i thought i'd forget how to do everything but it all came back once i was in there
- urm... what else...
- oh, i dont drink diet coke anymore, its bad for teeth!! tut. cant believe i used to have so much.
- dont drink much anymore either,
- Seeing Muse 5th Dec, Feeder 11th Dec, TCTC 21st Nov!!

yeah cant be bothered to write anymore

oh except, i gotta write my personal statement soon! ARGH!

Listening To: nothing!


:: Alana 8:42 PM [+] ::
...

saw ed norton guy again today! but he was at Havant.. normally I see him at Fareham, so that was weird. He was wearing an orange shirt... it looked like :D
It's annoying cos everytime I go to look at him he looks at me at the same time so its like i can't stare at him cos then we'd have a staring match and it'd just be all embarrassing... I can't go to stare at him if he's looking at me at the same time!! damn him..

went to this brewery today with the college... god that was boring. Everywhere smelled bad.. and he gave us these grains of something to chew cos they go sweet after a while because of the amylase in your saliva but it didnt go sweet it just got stuck in my teeth.

Oh yeah, I just found out that Feeder are doing a UK arena tour... and the nearest is yet again in Bournemouth (on the 11th of December) but I don't know whether I can pay for another one and who will go! I've asked Paul and he says okay sio that's alright, if he doesn't back out..... I want Heather to go but she said she didnt have the money for Muse so she probably won't have the money for this either. Damn bands doing gigs at the same time!

I've been trying to persuade Rachel to come down to Portsmouth instead of me going up to Birmingham.... but I don't think she's going to budge... but I don't wanna go up to Birminghamm.. I dont know it up there and it smelllllllllssssss.

Dad's coming to pick us up this Friday so we don't have to get the train! yay :-D I was thinkiing of making a tape to put in his tape player in the car but all the good songs that he hasn;t heard are on Kazaa and since Aidan's gone I can't use the Minidisc to put them on tape..... and the cd burner doesn;t work either... its a conspiracy to stop me making tapes...

I've got this Biology coursework to do and I don't really know what I'm doing ... it's gotta be in for the 21st..
plus I have this min-essay thing on Geography to be in for Monday... and it's on stuff I don't understand either!! God I hate A level.. it's too hard

Well I'm bored now so I'm off



coke consumption: 1 500ml bottle

listening to: Hot Water Music - Freightliner


:: Alana 7:18 PM [+] ::
...

Dunno why, but recently everyone and everything has been irritating me. Like the littlest of things just piss me off...
the other day, at college, Chris and Shaun were just being Chris and Shaun and then I started snapping and shouting and they ended up going off to town, which suited me fine cos I was feeling anti-social anyway, so I just got to sit on the sofa with my feet up reading harry potter and listening to Muse. But the point is that I keep snapping at people .. sometimes I'll just keep it to myself andgo off to the library to find more articles on Edward Norton when I get angry (dunno what I'll do when I find them all...) I think the librarian is wondering why the hell I;m in there so often and always asking her for old newspapers..

Like today Paul sent me an e-mail about Muse being in kerrang, which is fair enough, but it irritated me the way he wrote have you seen kerrang, as in I wouldn't have got it yet, when obviously I have cos I get it every wednesday... but why did that piss me off??? It shouldn't of .. I dunno, maybe I'm not getting enough of something that I usually do.. like caffeine or something
Ok, I'll try that, drinking lots of caffeine, maybe that'll make me happier

And then when I said download intentions of an asteriod song to him, he was like 'oh yes my other friend (yes I have other friends) actually told me about them' and im like...whaaat.. cos I told him about them a few days ago on msn, and he hadn't heard of them then so I'm like.. meh? and the way he keeps reminding me that he has friends is anoying... I know he does! It's not as if I think he's my only friend... he gets so paranoid sometimes.. but anyways I started getting irritated by that.. and in the end I just signed off msn cos I couldn't hack it anymore.. so now I'm just sipping coke and feeling miserable as usual.. and shaun keeps sending me these irritating texts about going to his house on tuesday.,.. and I said to him I will so I dont know why he keeps sending me them

so BLAH
i feel very blah at life. I think this whole week has been very blah
well apart from the hype over Muse that lasted about a day... I was very happy about that, then I kinda went back into my everything irritates me mode.

Maybe i should just sit in a dark room and not talk to people, then I wouldn't annoy anyone...

diet coke: about 12 cans yesterday, about 2 today, and half a 2 litre bottle and drinking atm
Listening to: intentions of an asteroid - gospel


:: Alana 2:47 PM [+] ::
...

wowzers.. been a while since I've written in here!!

a fair few things have happened but I can't really remember them at the moment...

well, most recent.. I just bought 4 tickets to see Muse in Bournemouth!! YAAAAAY
It'll be me, shaun, sophia and Paul and hopefully Heather if her parents give the ok

Aidan's gone..he went this morning..
so i have to move into his room soon (it used to be my old room but we swapped...now im moving back in again)

ummm, Biology experiment is almost done, (tomato germination inhibitor crap) but it went a bit wrong today.. one of the petri dishes went mouldy and i had to chuck it out... bleh

Watched se7en yesterday.. very good film, can't believe I never watched it beofre now (we've had it on CD for like, a year or something) and I watched Fight club again the other day..good film too

I download some "Intentions of an Asteroid"'s songs, cos Kerrang said they sounded like Muse and Queen... they're pretty good actually.. especially the song "Gospel"..

hehe, I've just offered Peter (he offered me a free ticket to see them in Dublin, ages ago, but I couldn't take it cos I knew i wouldn't be able to pay for the plane journey), this guy who lives in Ireland, a place to stay if he wants to see muse in Bournemouth too... am I crazy?? Gah.. I don't know why I did that, but oh well, I just went out with it. So if he travels from Ireland (he's seeing them in Brighton too) to Bournemouth then I've said he can come with us and stay at my house if he wants... lol :
I've been with Shaun for two months now! (1st July) apparantly it's his longest relationship.. (I think his longest before this was 5 weeks... lol)

anyway I'm bored now and don't know what to write...

Chow

Coke Consumption: none! I haven't had any for ages cos the Co-op AND the one stop have stopped the deal!!

Listening to: Finch - New Beginnings (Other than that, I keep listening to The Pixies - Where is my Mind (from the Fight Club soundtrack))





:: Alana 1:23 PM [+] ::
...

I'm at college, on the first day of my A2 courses. I've only had Geography so far. I'm doing Geography A2, Biology A2, Chemistry A2 and Env. Science AS - cos it's a combination of the other 3 subjects so it'll be eeeeeaasy

Oh and a really cool thing! Shaun's in my Bio and Chem AND he has exactly the same timetable as me! (He's got all the same free periods and stuff) Wheeeeeeee!

Yeah, I'm just sitting in the computer room because everyone I know has a lesson at the moment (I should have Env. sciene but it doesn't start till September) and listening to Godsmack on m walkman and I'm skimming through the Edward Norton gallery ;D

ooh yeah, that guy who looks like Ed norton was at the train station again!! he had sunglasses on though so i couldn't see his lovely eyes :( he got on the same train though so I sat on the chair opposite him, hehe. well I had to look at him! But everytime I'd go to look at him he'd look at me at the same! So I couldn't stare at him cos he was giving me funny looks...! ah well, I hope he'll get on the train again without the sunglasses, and I'll pluck up the courage to tell him he looks like ed norton, he'l probably be like..who?

It's sooooooo hot
im going to check the temperature on the bbc weather site...
21 degrees??? I thought it was more than that! oh well...it seems very hot to me

"Death will come when I'm good and ready" - godsmack track 10 (dunno all the names off by heart yet.. i know track 5 is i stand alone and track 1 is straight out of line and track 12 is serenity which is on right now!)
:: Alana 11:04 AM [+] ::
...

owwwww
i burnt my hannnndddd
it really stinnnnngs :'(
I was just merrily walking out of the kitchen with a pot noodle in my hand, and i tripped on the bread maker wire on the floor and boiling hot pot noodle water went all over my left hand
So then i got a freezer bag and filled it with ice cubes and thats been on my hand for like 2 hours, although i took it off for a bit cos my hand was starting to feel numb (it was FREEZING!!!) but then i could feel the heat from the burn coming through so i put the ice back on it...and the vicious cycle starts again
So now I've taken it off and my hand fucking KILLLLLS.. its soo painful, plus the burn's over my scar on there from the bike accident soo i think that's going to make that scar's healing a bit worse...

heh, christian's just come in with the Toy Story video and he said Aidan won't let him watch it... "I like dis video see wit the monsta on it der lala .. i want to watch it but aidan say no i caaaant"
"Tell Aidan he should be revising and tell him I said he has to let you watch the video"
"okay, but i can't say re...dii...sin..."
"Re..vi..zing.."
"reee-die-siii....i caaaant...."

aww, he's so cute sometimes it's unbearable...

Coke Consumption: 2 2ltr bottles.... :\
Listening to: Still Godsmack

All I'm doing is reading this really good edward norton site and I want to send an e-mail to the owner but there isn't a contact thing on it... it's such a huge website, there must be so much work involved, they deserve some feedback but I can't see any email address!

"iiiii stand aloooooooone... inside... iiiiii....stand alone....you let your sting down inside meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" etc etc
:: Alana 4:31 PM [+] ::
...

This doesn't make sense... how can CD2 of The Score have 10 users downloading but CD1 have one user! Is it like one of Newton's Law's that CD2 of a film you're downloading has to download first...
Anyways, so its early afternoon on a lovely sunny Thursday.. and what am i doing? I'm writing in this stupid thing
Don't really want to go on a bike ride... don't want to go to town... don't want to socialise.... don't want to watch tv ............... there's nothing to dooooo :(
I was going to try and play some of the Muse songs (since I have the tab books for oos and showbiz) on the piano but then I realised Neighbours was on so i watched that isntead
Maybe I'll learn to play sunburn today ...

I'm in such a heavy music mood recently.. I mean all I want to listen to is audioslave, deftones, godsmack, hifh, marilyn manson... ah well, I'm sure it'll fade and I'll be back to good ol' feeder and muse. Speaking of Muse they'd better hurry up with their UK tour cos I'm gettin bored here.

ooh, it's 12th June.. 9 days till the harry potter book comes out! yay!

At the moment, 'Mascara' (track 3) is on and it's on a pretty deafeningly loud volume plus the window's open (its stuffy up here) and I'm wondering whether anyone down there in the street can here it... I might go down there and stand outside to check whether i can hear it... wow, how bored am I!!

Right well I'm going to clicky click on more sources frantically for about 5 minutes on my Eddy norton films (only 2 this time... and theres only 2 more that I havent seen of his... :'( [Frida and The Italian Job - hey, I'm only seeing it for him... I know which version is the proper one- and the italian job isn;t even on kazaa yet anyway..] ) and then I'm going toooo ... learn some Muse song's on the piano... yes I am
ooh, today is the Day that Sky one shows the buffy Finale!!! WooOOOooooOOOOooooooOOOOoOOOOOooooOooOooOoooooooooooooo! plus a documentary on after.. yay! happy times

Coke Consumption: 1 bottle(2ltr) of vanilla diet coke
Listening to: Deftones - Around The Fur album at the moment it's 'rickets'


:: Alana 1:35 PM [+] ::
...

Oooh, funny day today!
At about half 3 I headed off to town to originally meet Shaun, but then it ended up me Shaun Paul and two of Shaun's mates - Gavin and,...Adam, I think. Anyway so we just went about the shops (I bought Godsmack - Faceless...wahey!! Paul kept trying to get me to buy crappy albums...) and then we just sat in victoria park till half 6 when gav and adam left to go somewhere then me and shaun and paul went to the co-op to get vodka and coke.
but then i decided i shouldn't have any because then I'll justhave loads and get sloshed and not be able to cycle back (I've never tried cycling drunk but I don't think it'd be pretty) so I left shaun and paul to get drunk
Shaun had like a half of the bottle and he got completly out of it! Like horribly out of it. He couldnt even stand up and he was asking what everything was...who his parnets were, who we were... at first we thought he was putting it on... i mean that drunk after that little vodka??? (even though he hadn't eaten anything all day so it would've got straight to his head..) but then we told him to pour coke over his head and he did without protesting....
so then i decided well he's too out of it to get on a bus home so i phoned his mum and asked her to come pick him up, and he didnt complain so thats when i KNEW he was smashed.
yeah, so funness. even though i wasn't drunk... so that was cool.
Then after that , I got home about 9 o'clock and sat down and watched tv till like half 10
then i did some more of my compilation.. so far now i have..
1) feeder - yesterday went too soon
2) lostprophets - lately
3) violent delight - shattered
4) the verve - lucky man
5) the vines - aint no rooom
6) hell is for heroes - sick happy
7) robbie williams - cursed
8) feeder - helium
9) tctc - amber
10 ) smashing pumpkins - bullet with butterfly wings
11) godsmack - serenity
12) audioslave - i am the highway
13) blur - beetlebum
14) linkin park - pushing me away
15) muse - futurism
16) rhcp - parallel universe
17) deftones - mascara

so theres still about 6 songs space to go

oh yeah and shaun phoned me at like 11 and he was all, so what was i doing? (cos he'd sobered up..) and i was telling him EVERYTHing and he coudln't believe it... hehe, it was so funny :D

Coke Consumption about half a bottle of diet coke with lemon... oh yeah and about half a bottle of co-op cheapy diet cola... so not a lot!!

Listening to: Godsmack - Faceless album on loopy loop
:: Alana 10:57 PM [+] ::
...

Today I haven't done a lot, went shopping with mum this morning but other than that not a lot.
Last night I got drunk with Paul, that was fun, except that Tequila tasted awful. And I remember phoning Rachel... dunno why the hell I was doing that
bah, can't be arsed to write about last night, but I should cos it was funny......
well met Paul at Commercial Road at about 20 to 7, we got a Tquila bottle (bad decision) and then it tasted really foul on its own, and tehre was no lemons so we went to the shop and got Apple Tango. oh yeah and before that we were sitting in the grassy bit in the centre of the roundabout, that was funny.
Then went to burger king to get some cups to mix the two in there and Paul's friend Wayne was working at the time, so yeah then we went out to sit by the benches opposite burger king and drinkied up the tquila. There was a guy on a bike who asked us for some and I said I was being nice so I gave him a bit. Ummmm, what else, kinda hard to remember stuff
well anyway, we basically got fucked on tequila

I got the taxi home and then my mum and Duncan were sat in the front room watching tv, and I was like, hey mum, im a bit drunk. But I wasnt as drunk as I was, I was kinda tipsy by then, then me her and duncan had a nice family chat till about 2 o'clock when she went to bed then me and duncan watched gladiator, then i went to bed.... at about 4

fun fun fun

lets do it again next weekend

I have 7 days left of my holiday....

Listening to: Godsmack - I Stand Alone
:: Alana 9:35 PM [+] ::
...

ooh, been a while since I've written anything in this
let's seeeee
well, monday = biology exam. eeek. ok. that didn't really go very well because the module 2 paper had this big-ass question on the bloody oestrus cycle. (hehe, i just realised how appropriate the bloody was) anyways,.... I don't ever remember learning about the oestrus cycle. hmmmm.. maybe it was one of those days i didn't go into college because I was too busy sleeping. So I just tried my best and put my knowledge tiowards it but since it was about a pig's oestrus cycle I don't think it'll be much good (since humans and pig's are different... I mean for one thing I know pig's don't shed the tuerus lining, they re-absorb it, so there must be other stuff that's not diffferent.) so I counted about 25 marks I left out of that paper. Not good.

Tuesday = chemistry revision day. I got a total of 2 hours sleep. 3am - 4am. then i did another hour revision. then 5am - 6am. then I did some revision till half 7 when i left. I left early because I wanted to get the earlier train because I kept thinking if I get the usual one it'll be late and I'll be screwed since I'll be late for exams.

Wednesday = Chemistry. chemistry went ok i guess..... the first paper was piss easy but the second paper was quite hard. I counted about 10 marks on that one I left blank.

Thursday = today. haven't done a lot. I was doing a bit of Physics revision but then I figured, alana, what's the point, you don't understand it, whether you read it or not, it still makes no sense....... so I stopped. I'm gonna cheat and write some equations on the inside of my hand for the exam (ones that I'll forget) and at least I can get a few marks for those questions, I think I'll probably get an E for physics...just scrape a pass..!

I was listneing to Robbie Williams' Escapology the other day while I was revising and I just realised how brilliant it realy is. I mean it's a really good mixture, it's got pop (but good pop), some funk in there, some rock, some chill out... it's great. Especially Me and My Monkey. That may be perhaps the best song I've ever heard "How'd I end up with this fuckin' monkey anyhow.."

It's been god knows how long since I got Hell is for heroes neon handshake yet I still listen to it at least once a day and I still love it.. isn't that weird. I got sick of Audioslave after about a month. but I still love I am the highway + the last remaining light

I'm currently downloading 3 Ed Norton Films......... ;D. Damn, he's so nice to look at... hehe. That Salma hayek is a lucky woman!!

Well, at 4.35pm tommorow I will of finished all my exams and have 10 days of freedom before year 2 courses start

Can't think of anything else to write now...

Listening to : Transplants - DJ DJ

:: Alana 5:29 PM [+] ::
...

[5/29/2003 12:50:10 AM | Alana Russell]
There was this tiny little fly that was flyuing around me today and it landed on my arm, so I blew at it and it got blown away somewhere and it just made me think about control. Cos like I had control over that little fly because I made it get blown off course. And it made me think about controlling over the wolrd and over me and stuff. It reminded me of a poem I wrote aaages ago, like one of the first, about God, it was that aorta time when I was obsessing over Muse and one of their songs, Microcuts, has the lyrics "Destroying puppet strings to our souls" and I wrote this poem based on that, about God controlling poeple and blah, and yeah so I started to think a lot, just because of one little fly.

I haven't done much revision at all, I'm starting to get worried. I need to get an A for biology, I really do, because it's the only subject I am capable of getting an A on (well I was capable of getting an A in Geography but I don't think I will, I think I'll probably get a B). I really have to revise. So, damnit, why am I here writing this and reading an annoyingly good and addictive fanfic story??

I took Christian to the shop today on his bike, oh my god, so never doing that again. For starters the woman in the shop thought I was his mum! Ahhh, embarrasing. Then she told christian to leave the bike by the door cos he couldn't take it down the aisles and he started crying because he thought she meant leave it forever kinda thing, so I had to quickly get the Coke and then get out the shop before his screaming broke the windows. Oh yeah, another thing, my mum and me have made this pact thing that I can get 2 bottles of 2 ltr diet coke every day until Half Term is over, then no coke for a month!! :-o A month!! well im going to try it and see what happens. I'll probably wake up in cold sweats and have dreams about coke and stuff, hehe.

Ummm, what else?? Oh yeah I'm downloading Primal Fear (Ed Norton's debut film) because I'm having an obsession over Ed Norton at the moment. See it all started when I saw 25th Hour, like a month ago or whenever it was, and I was like...yummmmy!!! So yeah then I did my research and I'm going to download all his other ones and everything, well apart from Red Dragon cos..well that's crap.
I was being really sad and thinking of my top 5 guys today, and I made it out to be..
1. James Marsters
2. Ed Norton
3. Sean Penn (I was watching U-Turn AGAIN - how many times is that now???- yesterday)
4. Matt Bellamy
5. Grant Nicholas

Yum yum yummmmm

And there's a few books I have decided I need to get:
John Ridley - Stray Dogs (U-Turn was based on this book)
William Diehl - Primal Fear
Eureka

And I think that;s about it for today. Haven't gone out anywhere. Haven't done much revision. Oooh but I did notice that my trousers are a bit loose, so I'm guessing I've lost some weight, yay! We really need some scales so I can see how much.

Listening to: Nelly feat. Justin Timberlake - Work It

:: Alana 5:53 PM [+] ::
...

fucking hell its happened again
bloody peice of crap website
i wrote out like a huuuge entry for today
and its disappeared again
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


:: Alana 11:51 PM [+] ::
...

There was this tiny little fly that was flyuing around me today and it landed on my arm, so I blew at it and it got blown away somewhere and it just made me think about control. Cos like I had control over that little fly because I made it get blown off course. And it made me think about controlling over the wolrd and over me and stuff. It reminded me of a poem I wrote aaages ago, like one of the first, about God, it was that aorta time when I was obsessing over Muse and one of their songs, Microcuts, has the lyrics "Destroying puppet strings to our souls" and I wrote this poem based on that, about God controlling poeple and blah, and yeah so I started to think a lot, just because of one little fly.

I haven't done much revision at all, I'm starting to get worried. I need to get an A for biology, I really do, because it's the only subject I am capable of getting an A on (well I was capable of getting an A in Geography but I don't think I will, I think I'll probably get a B). I really have to revise. So, damnit, why am I here writing this and reading an annoyingly good and addictive fanfic story??

I took Christian to the shop today on his bike, oh my god, so never doing that again. For starters the woman in the shop thought I was his mum! Ahhh, embarrasing. Then she told christian to leave the bike by the door cos he couldn't take it down the aisles and he started crying because he thought she meant leave it forever kinda thing, so I had to quickly get the Coke and then get out the shop before his screaming broke the windows. Oh yeah, another thing, my mum and me have made this pact thing that I can get 2 bottles of 2 ltr diet coke every day until Half Term is over, then no coke for a month!! :-o A month!! well im going to try it and see what happens. I'll probably wake up in cold sweats and have dreams about coke and stuff, hehe.

Ummm, what else?? Oh yeah I'm downloading Primal Fear (Ed Norton's debut film) because I'm having an obsession over Ed Norton at the moment. See it all started when I saw 25th Hour, like a month ago or whenever it was, and I was like...yummmmy!!! So yeah then I did my research and I'm going to download all his other ones and everything, well apart from Red Dragon cos..well that's crap.
I was being really sad and thinking of my top 5 guys today, and I made it out to be..
1. James Marsters
2. Ed Norton
3. Sean Penn (I was watching U-Turn AGAIN - how many times is that now???- yesterday)
4. Matt Bellamy
5. Grant Nicholas

Yum yum yummmmm

And there's a few books I have decided I need to get:
John Ridley - Stray Dogs (U-Turn was based on this book)
William Diehl - Primal Fear
Eureka

And I think that;s about it for today. Haven't gone out anywhere. Haven't done much revision. Oooh but I did notice that my trousers are a bit loose, so I'm guessing I've lost some weight, yay! We really need some scales so I can see how much.

Listening to: Nelly feat. Justin Timberlake - Work It

:: Alana 11:50 PM [+] ::
...

Christian got a new bike today, he was so sweet and excited, I opened the door and he's like "Lala I gots a bike today! come see my bike. mummy got me dis bike, its mine now... can you get it out the car pwease?" lol. Then he started riding down the street and Rob and his mum were just getting out the car but like my hair was all Sunday morning looking and i had no shoes on so I hid before they saw me, hehe

Buffy was on Sky one at 6 and I was watching it and then about half way through my mum comes in and says this is a silly programme can I change the channel.. and I'm like, er no, I'm watching this. But then she did the whole I own all speech, so I had to leave. BUT then I went to get a drink and went past the living room and saw she was still watching Buffy so I sat on the stairs and watched it from there (thankgod she never closed the door) and it was so funny because I tried to lean back to try to see the clock in the living to see how long left there was and almost fell off the stairs. It was the one where buffy gets bitten by the master then drowns and Xander brings her back by CPR.

Yeah so I went to sleep at about half 5 today (in the morning) because I was talking to Rachel! Yay! Well and Adam till he went at about 5. I'm so happy now though because I just went out and told her about everything and she was saying she was feeling like that too and stuff so yay! ;D

All I need now is all A's for my A levels and I'll be radiant! Well I wouldn't mind a life supply of strawberry muller rice and diet coke as well. While I'm at it all the CD's I want as well........ hehe

I've been doing some Biology revison today, quite a bit as well! So I'm proud. Amazing what spending a night talking to someone can do to you, I feel so happy now

Listneing to: Oasis - Champagne Supernova


:: Alana 6:17 PM [+] ::
...

Okay so I wrote an entry about today (or yesterday.. seeing as it's half 3) a few hours ago and it just dissapeared after I posted it, so I just thought fuck it I'm not writing that out again.

I'm so confused at the moment, Adam's just told me he really likes me and has done for ages.
What
The
Fuck?

Why does this keep happening???????

It happened with Michael (who I fancied for fucking ages at school, and he tells me he liked me all along a couple of months ago but I kinda fancied Shaun at that time so nothing happened), it happened with Thoren (who I knew in Edinburgh, and we continued to write to each other for ages and then in year 8 I went up to visit him and we just hung out and it was really cool, but I kept wishing I could kiss him and stuff, but I didn't want to risk it. Then in a a letter afterwards he told me he liked me for a long time and ARGH, I mean I know I was only like 13 or something, but he was special. After that we sorta lost touch and I've tried writing to the same address but he didnt reply so I guess he's moved house :'( He was a special guy and I wish I could see him again), it happened with Rob! Yeah I used to fancy Rob AGES ago, even though hes like almost 2 years younger than me, we had some fun times (no not that kinda fun), but I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want to ruin what we had, but then we kinda drifted apart anyway (even though he lives right next door!!). But a few weeks ago he told me he fancied me all along... god damnit
Although about 2 weeks ago we had this drinking thing, it was so funny, he came round, first off to play Mario Party with duncan on the gamecube but then I told him I had some Vodka stuff and we just started drinking it (Mum was out scuba Diving and Aidan was out somewhere, Christian was with Peter) and it was ujust so fun, and I wrote this sign and Duncan got the webcam out and stuff, teehee,

but yeah obviously nothing did and nothing can happen because I'm with Shaun now, and I'm happy, well not at the moment because he's in France and last night I just really missed him, I was in bed reading the last text messsage he'd sent before he went off (sad or what?) and I was just all...sad and lonely :( But hey, he'll be back Sunday so cool.

Anyways, about Adam, he lives in Manchester and I first meet him on the internet but we met up a while back and he was kinda cool and stuff and I did fancy him but I wans't sure whether he fancied me and I didn't wanna embarrass him so i din't say anything. but now hes like yeah I wanted to kiss you the whole time. Thanks for that, fat lotta good it's going to do now!!

I give up.
And another thing you know Shaun said he wanted to ask me out around Christmas (when I started to fancy him!!) but he said he was too scared, damnit if I'd of known I would of done it...saved a lot of time!

So anyway that's my rant.
It's half 3 and I don't think I will be going to bed for a while, I've had 3 bottles (6ltrs) of coke today, I would happily have more. I think I have a Diet Coke problem...but oh well. Sometimes I wonder what it's doing to my stomach and whether I should stop. My mum thinks it's funny but now I'm really wondering whether it is a proper addiction? Can I get addicted to Diet Coke? I don't know. Cos if I can then I think I am...

Listening to: Oasis - Stand By Me


:: Alana 2:38 AM [+] ::
...

Hmm, this is weird, I've known Rachel since November 2001, but recently we haven't really been speaking very much.

Before we used to like stay up Saturday/Friday nights and talk on msn, and that was so cool, but now it's like.. nothing I was just reading her livejournal and it's like I don't know her at all now. I don't know, I just feel really left out or something because I don't understand/know what most of what she's writing about. And it makes me kinda sad :'(

So she's in love with this girl now, which is cool, I'm happy for her, but I can't help feeling it's gonna be like, all about her now and well we'll just drift further apart. I think I sound like some spoilt daughter trying to stop her mum finding a new boyfriend, lol. I don't know, I don't really understand waht it is but I'm upset now and I had to stop reading her journal cos I was just feeling worse.
Plus Shaun's going off to France tommorow and won't be back until Saturday night :'( Everyone's leaving meeeee!

Listening to: nothing!


:: Alana 11:40 PM [+] ::
...

Hmm, this is weird, I've known Rachel since November 2001, but recently we haven't really been speaking very much. Before we used to like stay up Saturday/Friday nights and talk on msn, and that was so cool, but now it's like.. nothing

I was just reading her livejournal and it's like I don't know her at all now. I don't know, I just feel really left out or something because I don't understand/know what most of what she's writing about. And it makes me kinda sad :'(

So she's in love with this girl now, which is cool, I'm happy for her, but I can't help feeling it's gonna be like, all about her now and well we'll just drift further apart. I think I sound like some spoilt daughter trying to stop her mum finding a new boyfriend, lol.

I don't know, I don't really understand waht it is but I'm upset now and I had to stop reading her journal cos I was just feeling worse.

Plus Shaun's going off to France tommorow and won't be back until Saturday night :'( Everyone's leaving meeeee!

Listening to: nothing!
:: Alana 11:38 PM [+] ::
...

Hey ho, tis a jolly sunday afternoon.
I saw Matrix Reloaded on Saturday.....oooooooh, that was cool :D
Morpheus was actually slightly attractive in some scenes :-o Oh my god what's hapning to me.
I really don't like Trinity anymore, my dad thinks it's cos I fancy Keanu Reeves (which I don't particularly), it's not that I just don't like the character, she's all confident and whatever i say goes and stuff.
I've decided to not have alcohol until my exams are over now, which is 12 days. I had only one wkd and one bacardi breezer at my dad's and I felt no desire to have more so I think Wednesday's escapades has left an impression on me.

I have a week until my Biology exam (2nd of june) then my chemistry exam on 4th june and then physics on 6th of june :'( I want to cry. I hate exams

Romeo and Juliet was on on Saturday, I caught the last 40 minutes or so of it, I'd forgotten how good it is. And how gorgeous Leonardo Di Caprio is in it :-o, I think it was all the surly looks, and the whole face looking down eyes looking up thing, that's makes almost anyone look sexy.

Didn't get any Physics done...which is a shame, I think I might just not bother revising for it at all! And get probably not even an E. I mean what's the point anyway? I'm not continuing it and I hate it, sooooo... I just won't bother.

Later,

Listening to: Otis Redding - Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay.


:: Alana 4:29 PM [+] ::
...

Do you know what, I think its sunk in I missed The Cooper Temple Clause. What's funny is I can't really remember any of it. I just remember little snippets, like walking to the venue and telling Paul to hide the Malibu while there were these townies looking over; sitting down and waiting to get into the venue and asking everyone's name and looking like a retard; Showing the tikcet man my arm with the reference number on it; Getting chips after Paul got chucked out; Dropping my coke can on the floor. I'm a bit confused as to why Paul got chucked outin the first place??? I can't really remember, he must of went to get more alcohol or something...bah, what an idiot. At least I hide it well! I think.......

God, my Geography exams (yes, exams, I am resiting the Coastal Landforms cos I got a D last time, probably get an E this time...what a waste of a tenner) are in... 14 hours. Okay, I'll have to get 6 hours sleep, and get some revision before hand, so that means I'll have to be in bed by...... 2am I reckon. 2 - 9am I sleep, 9 - 11 I revise, get the train at 12.06 get to college at 12.23, and do an hour's revision there till my exams start at half 1!!!

I would do anything to have another day of revising, I wish so bad this was like Tuesday, and I still had all this time, and Wednesday night never happeend so I could do it again but this time alcohol free so I manage to see the band I paid ten quid for!!!!!

Damnit, that's 2 bands I've missed now, when I paid money.

I'm pissed off as well because I never managed to record Buffy, and bloody TOTP2 was on instead of Buffy on BBc2 as well, what's with that????
I have every episode of series 7 (thats been on so far) on video and when I try recording Empty Places (ep 19) the video starts magically rewinding the tape on its own, at first I thought I was sitting on the other remote or something, but it was on top of the TV. So I don't know why it was doing that but now I have one episode missing from the tape. And it's quite a good one too. Bah.

Hmm, yeah, I'm going to go and do some hectic revising now.

Listneing to : Radiohead - Prove Yourself.


:: Alana 10:18 PM [+] ::
...

Ok so after a nice sleep I can write a detailed account about last night now.
5.50pm: Got off the train and met Paul just outisde the station. We went to burger King to get Coffee cos I was a bit tipsy after I'd finished that Bottle of Taboo before I'd left (really wasn't a good idea). Then we met this Lifeboat guy tring to get Paul to vbecome a lifeboat guy or something... but he was realy cute so I just stared at him while Paul blahed on. Then we went to the Co-op and Paul got some Malibu (which by the way was so not that nice, but I kept drinking it anyway... really shouldn't have)

7pm: I think it was about then that we got to the Wedgewood. Paul saw this girl he knew, and I shook their hands and then asked these two other girls that were there (there were only 4 people there so far!) if I got stand in front of them but they said they'd been there for half an hour now, so I was like "Paul, dude, theyu've been there for half an hour! sit over here" or something
Then, um, we just waited until 8 making fools out of ourselves. I remember I talked to this guy who was next to Paul, he reminded me of someone but I can't remember who. I remember just being stupid and stuff and I kept asking what people's names were but now I can't remember any of them for the life of me.

8pm: Doors opened, we went to the ticket guy and said we had ordered the tickets already, I showed him my arm (which had the reference number writeen on it) and then we got in. Do you know what's weird though, looking back, why did he let us in when we were so obviously drunk and Paul got chucked out for being drunk in the actual venue??????
So yeah, I went to stand at the front and then the first band came on, I don't even know who they were. I remember asking the girl next to me what her name was (forgotten it now) I think she took me to the toilet...... I'm not 100% sure. Then Pauil went off to get more alcohol and came back with this security guard, I was like, oh fuck what now. And the guy said come back next time a bit more sober, yeah? So I couldn't just stay there with him getting chucked out. So I had to go with him.
So then we just walked around looking stupid for a while and Paul was like go back in!! I was too drunk by then to realised that I'd just walked out of something I'd payed a tenner for. I remember saying Fuck a lot "Fuck Paul I've just walked out of TCTC" and stuff, but I wouldn't of gone back in anyway cos that's just mean leaving him out there.
I remember we got some chips from a chip shop and Paul was telling the woman he loved me and I said I realy dont. Or something like that, no wait she said you tell the truh when your drunk and I said yeah, I really dont. And that I'd just walked out of a concert for him. Lol, I must of looked a right maniac.
Yeah so we just sat there on some steps for a while eating chips, then I asked Paul if he could get me some Diet Coke. I remember I dropped it on the pavement and loads of it spilt.
Then, yeah, we walked to Fratton station, drunkingly, and um, I got on the train. I remember Paul running with the train for a bit. or something. The train got a long time as well, I remember.
So yeah then I got on a taxi and then I was home. And my mum and Aidan were watching some film, and I told them I'd missed a concert because my friend got chucked out, but Aidan was like, go away you're durnk. And I said, oh really? I don't think so. or something really stupid like that.

Yes then I came online and wrote some weird stuff on here and talked to Rachel and stupid stuff like that then I went to bed!

Wow, what a waste of a tenner!
And Paul whos me a tenner topo cos he used my £10 to buy some chips I think.

Listening to : R Kelly - Ignition (Remix)
:: Alana 9:37 AM [+] ::
...

guuuuuuuuuuuuu!
thats meant to bre hi
so im not as druink as i was
asi was in portok
so i weas meant to see cooper tmeple clause?
bit io didnt bevcaue paul got kicked out! cos he was drunk, and cios im a good mate i went wioth him! DUHUUUH
like i could of jujut let him go
but. fuck. cooper temple cklause!!! 10- fucking quid, i wasted on that
asnd fuck, he owes me a tenner cos i gave him fucking 10 quid to get some chips an hes kept the chasnge, it was 90p
i remembet, this girl called something or other, dhe knew paul, she took me to thew toilet to go to the loo
i rememger l
i asid thanks
yuo
qwe never even saw ttc, we saw whatever the sfirst aupport band was
fuck this man
im off to bed!
talk bout it in the morning!!!!!
seeeeeeeeeee ya
:: Alana 9:36 PM [+] ::
...

Hmmm... I'm realllly bored.
I was doing some revision earlier but now I'm having a lil break. While downloading the big version of the Buffy finale. I figure not watching it on a 4x4cm window or whatever it was on media player will make it a little better.
I'm drinking the last of the ginger ale, since I drank alot of it last night. And wine. What the hell was that? I remember I had red wine then drank ginger ale straight after so I didn't taste the red wine as much cos I've gone off it. I dunno why I was drinking it looking back now, because Paul went to bed soon after then I was like...yeah, urm I'm going to bed, so that was a bit of a waste. I feel sick actualy, ginger ale and red wine don't mix.
The Coopers tommorow!!!!! Wheeeeeeee!!
I'm thinking I should take a camera cos I didn't for Hell is for HEroes and I was regretting it throughout the gig... And this time I'm taking money to buy a shirt. Or at least a poster.
Yup, all the giner ale is gone now.
Today I [b]will[/b] do revision! Lots of it
It's all raining outisde though :( What's the deal with this rubbish weather? May is usually a good month, but so far it's been rain rain rain.

Ooops I just deleted Enterprise that Aidan download on Kazaa....oh well, it's a stupid programme anyway
86% of Buffy;s downlaoded now...wooo...

I'm bored again so I'll just... go and do some revision or something.....

Listening to: U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday
:: Alana 12:49 PM [+] ::
...

Buffy Finale.
So, I just watch the last ever episode of Buffy, and it was crap.
I thought it would be so good, how dumb was I?
I mean after it I was just..what the fuck?! That's it??? THAT'S IT?!?!
I don't understand the Spike thing because he's going over to Angel so what's the deal with him turning to dust?? And damnit this means I have to watch Angel now, because Spike will be on it - darn his sinister attraction.
Ugh, it was all so ugh. Why did Principal Wood live?? Why did Anya bloody die????? Whyyyy, why did Dawn, and the SIT's live?
I reckon I would've been happier if Buffy kissed Spike after she said she loved him, and died with him instead of running off. But then I suppose it wouldn't of ended on a happy note, so bleh I dunno, I just didn't like it.
Oh I did like Giles saying Buffy's plan was bloody brilliant, that made me smile.
Angel and Buffy's bit at the start was kinda funny.
One thing I really loved about this episode was the music in the fight scene, when Buffy got up after she'd been lying on the floor and then there was just an explosion of totally emotive music, that was perfect. It's amazing the difference the right choice in music can make.
So it wasn't completly crap thinking about it now, but it wasn't good either.
Although I have to say I did almost cry... at the end when they were looking back at the big crater... I felt it coming, but I didn't quite get there. Obviously wasn't moving enough!
But I'm all sad now because it's the end! Thankgod I haven't seen every Buffy episode, so it's not the absolute end cos there's loads of episodes from every season except 5, 6 and 7 that I haven't seen. Woohoo!

Well anyway, that's what happeend today. I haven't done anything else...even though it's half 7 in the evening.
Oh, except I did almost do some revision, but didn;t quite ;D

Listening to: U2 - With or Without You


:: Alana 6:31 PM [+] ::
...

Got back from gunwharf with shaun, went to see how to lose a guy in 10 days. it was pretty crappy, quite funny in places though.
But his friend (dave) gave us a lift, and I forgot to say thanks :\ so I sent a txt and shaun hasn't replied and I feel really guilty... times like this I wish I didn't have a conscience!
It was a nice date though cos we went for a walk along the canal bit and stuff, was a bit windy though
and my bloody leg wont stop shaking! It was quite cold so that set my knee off, but my leg is really annoying me, and it won't stop and...arrgh

Study leave this week so I have to revise. No TV! Well except for neighbours and buffy :) Buffy finale!!! I can hopefully download it tommorow....woooooo!
damnit why won't shaun txt me and stop this horrible guilty feeling. I can't believe I just forgot to say thankyou, that is so rude!!
oh well anyway, I'm going to watch the buffy episode I downloaded now, yeah, sad or what? :-D

Listneing to: Bush - Wild Horses (live on some american chat show..)
:: Alana 11:04 PM [+] ::
...