:: Too much of not enough ::

:: Friday, May 30, 2003 ::

[5/29/2003 12:50:10 AM | Alana Russell]
There was this tiny little fly that was flyuing around me today and it landed on my arm, so I blew at it and it got blown away somewhere and it just made me think about control. Cos like I had control over that little fly because I made it get blown off course. And it made me think about controlling over the wolrd and over me and stuff. It reminded me of a poem I wrote aaages ago, like one of the first, about God, it was that aorta time when I was obsessing over Muse and one of their songs, Microcuts, has the lyrics "Destroying puppet strings to our souls" and I wrote this poem based on that, about God controlling poeple and blah, and yeah so I started to think a lot, just because of one little fly.

I haven't done much revision at all, I'm starting to get worried. I need to get an A for biology, I really do, because it's the only subject I am capable of getting an A on (well I was capable of getting an A in Geography but I don't think I will, I think I'll probably get a B). I really have to revise. So, damnit, why am I here writing this and reading an annoyingly good and addictive fanfic story??

I took Christian to the shop today on his bike, oh my god, so never doing that again. For starters the woman in the shop thought I was his mum! Ahhh, embarrasing. Then she told christian to leave the bike by the door cos he couldn't take it down the aisles and he started crying because he thought she meant leave it forever kinda thing, so I had to quickly get the Coke and then get out the shop before his screaming broke the windows. Oh yeah, another thing, my mum and me have made this pact thing that I can get 2 bottles of 2 ltr diet coke every day until Half Term is over, then no coke for a month!! :-o A month!! well im going to try it and see what happens. I'll probably wake up in cold sweats and have dreams about coke and stuff, hehe.

Ummm, what else?? Oh yeah I'm downloading Primal Fear (Ed Norton's debut film) because I'm having an obsession over Ed Norton at the moment. See it all started when I saw 25th Hour, like a month ago or whenever it was, and I was like...yummmmy!!! So yeah then I did my research and I'm going to download all his other ones and everything, well apart from Red Dragon cos..well that's crap.
I was being really sad and thinking of my top 5 guys today, and I made it out to be..
1. James Marsters
2. Ed Norton
3. Sean Penn (I was watching U-Turn AGAIN - how many times is that now???- yesterday)
4. Matt Bellamy
5. Grant Nicholas

Yum yum yummmmm

And there's a few books I have decided I need to get:
John Ridley - Stray Dogs (U-Turn was based on this book)
William Diehl - Primal Fear
Eureka

And I think that;s about it for today. Haven't gone out anywhere. Haven't done much revision. Oooh but I did notice that my trousers are a bit loose, so I'm guessing I've lost some weight, yay! We really need some scales so I can see how much.

Listening to: Nelly feat. Justin Timberlake - Work It

:: Alana 5:53 PM [+] ::
...

fucking hell its happened again
bloody peice of crap website
i wrote out like a huuuge entry for today
and its disappeared again
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


:: Alana 11:51 PM [+] ::
...

There was this tiny little fly that was flyuing around me today and it landed on my arm, so I blew at it and it got blown away somewhere and it just made me think about control. Cos like I had control over that little fly because I made it get blown off course. And it made me think about controlling over the wolrd and over me and stuff. It reminded me of a poem I wrote aaages ago, like one of the first, about God, it was that aorta time when I was obsessing over Muse and one of their songs, Microcuts, has the lyrics "Destroying puppet strings to our souls" and I wrote this poem based on that, about God controlling poeple and blah, and yeah so I started to think a lot, just because of one little fly.

I haven't done much revision at all, I'm starting to get worried. I need to get an A for biology, I really do, because it's the only subject I am capable of getting an A on (well I was capable of getting an A in Geography but I don't think I will, I think I'll probably get a B). I really have to revise. So, damnit, why am I here writing this and reading an annoyingly good and addictive fanfic story??

I took Christian to the shop today on his bike, oh my god, so never doing that again. For starters the woman in the shop thought I was his mum! Ahhh, embarrasing. Then she told christian to leave the bike by the door cos he couldn't take it down the aisles and he started crying because he thought she meant leave it forever kinda thing, so I had to quickly get the Coke and then get out the shop before his screaming broke the windows. Oh yeah, another thing, my mum and me have made this pact thing that I can get 2 bottles of 2 ltr diet coke every day until Half Term is over, then no coke for a month!! :-o A month!! well im going to try it and see what happens. I'll probably wake up in cold sweats and have dreams about coke and stuff, hehe.

Ummm, what else?? Oh yeah I'm downloading Primal Fear (Ed Norton's debut film) because I'm having an obsession over Ed Norton at the moment. See it all started when I saw 25th Hour, like a month ago or whenever it was, and I was like...yummmmy!!! So yeah then I did my research and I'm going to download all his other ones and everything, well apart from Red Dragon cos..well that's crap.
I was being really sad and thinking of my top 5 guys today, and I made it out to be..
1. James Marsters
2. Ed Norton
3. Sean Penn (I was watching U-Turn AGAIN - how many times is that now???- yesterday)
4. Matt Bellamy
5. Grant Nicholas

Yum yum yummmmm

And there's a few books I have decided I need to get:
John Ridley - Stray Dogs (U-Turn was based on this book)
William Diehl - Primal Fear
Eureka

And I think that;s about it for today. Haven't gone out anywhere. Haven't done much revision. Oooh but I did notice that my trousers are a bit loose, so I'm guessing I've lost some weight, yay! We really need some scales so I can see how much.

Listening to: Nelly feat. Justin Timberlake - Work It

:: Alana 11:50 PM [+] ::
...

Christian got a new bike today, he was so sweet and excited, I opened the door and he's like "Lala I gots a bike today! come see my bike. mummy got me dis bike, its mine now... can you get it out the car pwease?" lol. Then he started riding down the street and Rob and his mum were just getting out the car but like my hair was all Sunday morning looking and i had no shoes on so I hid before they saw me, hehe

Buffy was on Sky one at 6 and I was watching it and then about half way through my mum comes in and says this is a silly programme can I change the channel.. and I'm like, er no, I'm watching this. But then she did the whole I own all speech, so I had to leave. BUT then I went to get a drink and went past the living room and saw she was still watching Buffy so I sat on the stairs and watched it from there (thankgod she never closed the door) and it was so funny because I tried to lean back to try to see the clock in the living to see how long left there was and almost fell off the stairs. It was the one where buffy gets bitten by the master then drowns and Xander brings her back by CPR.

Yeah so I went to sleep at about half 5 today (in the morning) because I was talking to Rachel! Yay! Well and Adam till he went at about 5. I'm so happy now though because I just went out and told her about everything and she was saying she was feeling like that too and stuff so yay! ;D

All I need now is all A's for my A levels and I'll be radiant! Well I wouldn't mind a life supply of strawberry muller rice and diet coke as well. While I'm at it all the CD's I want as well........ hehe

I've been doing some Biology revison today, quite a bit as well! So I'm proud. Amazing what spending a night talking to someone can do to you, I feel so happy now

Listneing to: Oasis - Champagne Supernova


:: Alana 6:17 PM [+] ::
...

Okay so I wrote an entry about today (or yesterday.. seeing as it's half 3) a few hours ago and it just dissapeared after I posted it, so I just thought fuck it I'm not writing that out again.

I'm so confused at the moment, Adam's just told me he really likes me and has done for ages.
What
The
Fuck?

Why does this keep happening???????

It happened with Michael (who I fancied for fucking ages at school, and he tells me he liked me all along a couple of months ago but I kinda fancied Shaun at that time so nothing happened), it happened with Thoren (who I knew in Edinburgh, and we continued to write to each other for ages and then in year 8 I went up to visit him and we just hung out and it was really cool, but I kept wishing I could kiss him and stuff, but I didn't want to risk it. Then in a a letter afterwards he told me he liked me for a long time and ARGH, I mean I know I was only like 13 or something, but he was special. After that we sorta lost touch and I've tried writing to the same address but he didnt reply so I guess he's moved house :'( He was a special guy and I wish I could see him again), it happened with Rob! Yeah I used to fancy Rob AGES ago, even though hes like almost 2 years younger than me, we had some fun times (no not that kinda fun), but I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want to ruin what we had, but then we kinda drifted apart anyway (even though he lives right next door!!). But a few weeks ago he told me he fancied me all along... god damnit
Although about 2 weeks ago we had this drinking thing, it was so funny, he came round, first off to play Mario Party with duncan on the gamecube but then I told him I had some Vodka stuff and we just started drinking it (Mum was out scuba Diving and Aidan was out somewhere, Christian was with Peter) and it was ujust so fun, and I wrote this sign and Duncan got the webcam out and stuff, teehee,

but yeah obviously nothing did and nothing can happen because I'm with Shaun now, and I'm happy, well not at the moment because he's in France and last night I just really missed him, I was in bed reading the last text messsage he'd sent before he went off (sad or what?) and I was just all...sad and lonely :( But hey, he'll be back Sunday so cool.

Anyways, about Adam, he lives in Manchester and I first meet him on the internet but we met up a while back and he was kinda cool and stuff and I did fancy him but I wans't sure whether he fancied me and I didn't wanna embarrass him so i din't say anything. but now hes like yeah I wanted to kiss you the whole time. Thanks for that, fat lotta good it's going to do now!!

I give up.
And another thing you know Shaun said he wanted to ask me out around Christmas (when I started to fancy him!!) but he said he was too scared, damnit if I'd of known I would of done it...saved a lot of time!

So anyway that's my rant.
It's half 3 and I don't think I will be going to bed for a while, I've had 3 bottles (6ltrs) of coke today, I would happily have more. I think I have a Diet Coke problem...but oh well. Sometimes I wonder what it's doing to my stomach and whether I should stop. My mum thinks it's funny but now I'm really wondering whether it is a proper addiction? Can I get addicted to Diet Coke? I don't know. Cos if I can then I think I am...

Listening to: Oasis - Stand By Me


:: Alana 2:38 AM [+] ::
...

Hmm, this is weird, I've known Rachel since November 2001, but recently we haven't really been speaking very much.

Before we used to like stay up Saturday/Friday nights and talk on msn, and that was so cool, but now it's like.. nothing I was just reading her livejournal and it's like I don't know her at all now. I don't know, I just feel really left out or something because I don't understand/know what most of what she's writing about. And it makes me kinda sad :'(

So she's in love with this girl now, which is cool, I'm happy for her, but I can't help feeling it's gonna be like, all about her now and well we'll just drift further apart. I think I sound like some spoilt daughter trying to stop her mum finding a new boyfriend, lol. I don't know, I don't really understand waht it is but I'm upset now and I had to stop reading her journal cos I was just feeling worse.
Plus Shaun's going off to France tommorow and won't be back until Saturday night :'( Everyone's leaving meeeee!

Listening to: nothing!


:: Alana 11:40 PM [+] ::
...

Hmm, this is weird, I've known Rachel since November 2001, but recently we haven't really been speaking very much. Before we used to like stay up Saturday/Friday nights and talk on msn, and that was so cool, but now it's like.. nothing

I was just reading her livejournal and it's like I don't know her at all now. I don't know, I just feel really left out or something because I don't understand/know what most of what she's writing about. And it makes me kinda sad :'(

So she's in love with this girl now, which is cool, I'm happy for her, but I can't help feeling it's gonna be like, all about her now and well we'll just drift further apart. I think I sound like some spoilt daughter trying to stop her mum finding a new boyfriend, lol.

I don't know, I don't really understand waht it is but I'm upset now and I had to stop reading her journal cos I was just feeling worse.

Plus Shaun's going off to France tommorow and won't be back until Saturday night :'( Everyone's leaving meeeee!

Listening to: nothing!
:: Alana 11:38 PM [+] ::
...

Hey ho, tis a jolly sunday afternoon.
I saw Matrix Reloaded on Saturday.....oooooooh, that was cool :D
Morpheus was actually slightly attractive in some scenes :-o Oh my god what's hapning to me.
I really don't like Trinity anymore, my dad thinks it's cos I fancy Keanu Reeves (which I don't particularly), it's not that I just don't like the character, she's all confident and whatever i say goes and stuff.
I've decided to not have alcohol until my exams are over now, which is 12 days. I had only one wkd and one bacardi breezer at my dad's and I felt no desire to have more so I think Wednesday's escapades has left an impression on me.

I have a week until my Biology exam (2nd of june) then my chemistry exam on 4th june and then physics on 6th of june :'( I want to cry. I hate exams

Romeo and Juliet was on on Saturday, I caught the last 40 minutes or so of it, I'd forgotten how good it is. And how gorgeous Leonardo Di Caprio is in it :-o, I think it was all the surly looks, and the whole face looking down eyes looking up thing, that's makes almost anyone look sexy.

Didn't get any Physics done...which is a shame, I think I might just not bother revising for it at all! And get probably not even an E. I mean what's the point anyway? I'm not continuing it and I hate it, sooooo... I just won't bother.

Later,

Listening to: Otis Redding - Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay.


:: Alana 4:29 PM [+] ::
...

Do you know what, I think its sunk in I missed The Cooper Temple Clause. What's funny is I can't really remember any of it. I just remember little snippets, like walking to the venue and telling Paul to hide the Malibu while there were these townies looking over; sitting down and waiting to get into the venue and asking everyone's name and looking like a retard; Showing the tikcet man my arm with the reference number on it; Getting chips after Paul got chucked out; Dropping my coke can on the floor. I'm a bit confused as to why Paul got chucked outin the first place??? I can't really remember, he must of went to get more alcohol or something...bah, what an idiot. At least I hide it well! I think.......

God, my Geography exams (yes, exams, I am resiting the Coastal Landforms cos I got a D last time, probably get an E this time...what a waste of a tenner) are in... 14 hours. Okay, I'll have to get 6 hours sleep, and get some revision before hand, so that means I'll have to be in bed by...... 2am I reckon. 2 - 9am I sleep, 9 - 11 I revise, get the train at 12.06 get to college at 12.23, and do an hour's revision there till my exams start at half 1!!!

I would do anything to have another day of revising, I wish so bad this was like Tuesday, and I still had all this time, and Wednesday night never happeend so I could do it again but this time alcohol free so I manage to see the band I paid ten quid for!!!!!

Damnit, that's 2 bands I've missed now, when I paid money.

I'm pissed off as well because I never managed to record Buffy, and bloody TOTP2 was on instead of Buffy on BBc2 as well, what's with that????
I have every episode of series 7 (thats been on so far) on video and when I try recording Empty Places (ep 19) the video starts magically rewinding the tape on its own, at first I thought I was sitting on the other remote or something, but it was on top of the TV. So I don't know why it was doing that but now I have one episode missing from the tape. And it's quite a good one too. Bah.

Hmm, yeah, I'm going to go and do some hectic revising now.

Listneing to : Radiohead - Prove Yourself.


:: Alana 10:18 PM [+] ::
...

Ok so after a nice sleep I can write a detailed account about last night now.
5.50pm: Got off the train and met Paul just outisde the station. We went to burger King to get Coffee cos I was a bit tipsy after I'd finished that Bottle of Taboo before I'd left (really wasn't a good idea). Then we met this Lifeboat guy tring to get Paul to vbecome a lifeboat guy or something... but he was realy cute so I just stared at him while Paul blahed on. Then we went to the Co-op and Paul got some Malibu (which by the way was so not that nice, but I kept drinking it anyway... really shouldn't have)

7pm: I think it was about then that we got to the Wedgewood. Paul saw this girl he knew, and I shook their hands and then asked these two other girls that were there (there were only 4 people there so far!) if I got stand in front of them but they said they'd been there for half an hour now, so I was like "Paul, dude, theyu've been there for half an hour! sit over here" or something
Then, um, we just waited until 8 making fools out of ourselves. I remember I talked to this guy who was next to Paul, he reminded me of someone but I can't remember who. I remember just being stupid and stuff and I kept asking what people's names were but now I can't remember any of them for the life of me.

8pm: Doors opened, we went to the ticket guy and said we had ordered the tickets already, I showed him my arm (which had the reference number writeen on it) and then we got in. Do you know what's weird though, looking back, why did he let us in when we were so obviously drunk and Paul got chucked out for being drunk in the actual venue??????
So yeah, I went to stand at the front and then the first band came on, I don't even know who they were. I remember asking the girl next to me what her name was (forgotten it now) I think she took me to the toilet...... I'm not 100% sure. Then Pauil went off to get more alcohol and came back with this security guard, I was like, oh fuck what now. And the guy said come back next time a bit more sober, yeah? So I couldn't just stay there with him getting chucked out. So I had to go with him.
So then we just walked around looking stupid for a while and Paul was like go back in!! I was too drunk by then to realised that I'd just walked out of something I'd payed a tenner for. I remember saying Fuck a lot "Fuck Paul I've just walked out of TCTC" and stuff, but I wouldn't of gone back in anyway cos that's just mean leaving him out there.
I remember we got some chips from a chip shop and Paul was telling the woman he loved me and I said I realy dont. Or something like that, no wait she said you tell the truh when your drunk and I said yeah, I really dont. And that I'd just walked out of a concert for him. Lol, I must of looked a right maniac.
Yeah so we just sat there on some steps for a while eating chips, then I asked Paul if he could get me some Diet Coke. I remember I dropped it on the pavement and loads of it spilt.
Then, yeah, we walked to Fratton station, drunkingly, and um, I got on the train. I remember Paul running with the train for a bit. or something. The train got a long time as well, I remember.
So yeah then I got on a taxi and then I was home. And my mum and Aidan were watching some film, and I told them I'd missed a concert because my friend got chucked out, but Aidan was like, go away you're durnk. And I said, oh really? I don't think so. or something really stupid like that.

Yes then I came online and wrote some weird stuff on here and talked to Rachel and stupid stuff like that then I went to bed!

Wow, what a waste of a tenner!
And Paul whos me a tenner topo cos he used my £10 to buy some chips I think.

Listening to : R Kelly - Ignition (Remix)
:: Alana 9:37 AM [+] ::
...

guuuuuuuuuuuuu!
thats meant to bre hi
so im not as druink as i was
asi was in portok
so i weas meant to see cooper tmeple clause?
bit io didnt bevcaue paul got kicked out! cos he was drunk, and cios im a good mate i went wioth him! DUHUUUH
like i could of jujut let him go
but. fuck. cooper temple cklause!!! 10- fucking quid, i wasted on that
asnd fuck, he owes me a tenner cos i gave him fucking 10 quid to get some chips an hes kept the chasnge, it was 90p
i remembet, this girl called something or other, dhe knew paul, she took me to thew toilet to go to the loo
i rememger l
i asid thanks
yuo
qwe never even saw ttc, we saw whatever the sfirst aupport band was
fuck this man
im off to bed!
talk bout it in the morning!!!!!
seeeeeeeeeee ya
:: Alana 9:36 PM [+] ::
...

Hmmm... I'm realllly bored.
I was doing some revision earlier but now I'm having a lil break. While downloading the big version of the Buffy finale. I figure not watching it on a 4x4cm window or whatever it was on media player will make it a little better.
I'm drinking the last of the ginger ale, since I drank alot of it last night. And wine. What the hell was that? I remember I had red wine then drank ginger ale straight after so I didn't taste the red wine as much cos I've gone off it. I dunno why I was drinking it looking back now, because Paul went to bed soon after then I was like...yeah, urm I'm going to bed, so that was a bit of a waste. I feel sick actualy, ginger ale and red wine don't mix.
The Coopers tommorow!!!!! Wheeeeeeee!!
I'm thinking I should take a camera cos I didn't for Hell is for HEroes and I was regretting it throughout the gig... And this time I'm taking money to buy a shirt. Or at least a poster.
Yup, all the giner ale is gone now.
Today I [b]will[/b] do revision! Lots of it
It's all raining outisde though :( What's the deal with this rubbish weather? May is usually a good month, but so far it's been rain rain rain.

Ooops I just deleted Enterprise that Aidan download on Kazaa....oh well, it's a stupid programme anyway
86% of Buffy;s downlaoded now...wooo...

I'm bored again so I'll just... go and do some revision or something.....

Listening to: U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday
:: Alana 12:49 PM [+] ::
...

Buffy Finale.
So, I just watch the last ever episode of Buffy, and it was crap.
I thought it would be so good, how dumb was I?
I mean after it I was just..what the fuck?! That's it??? THAT'S IT?!?!
I don't understand the Spike thing because he's going over to Angel so what's the deal with him turning to dust?? And damnit this means I have to watch Angel now, because Spike will be on it - darn his sinister attraction.
Ugh, it was all so ugh. Why did Principal Wood live?? Why did Anya bloody die????? Whyyyy, why did Dawn, and the SIT's live?
I reckon I would've been happier if Buffy kissed Spike after she said she loved him, and died with him instead of running off. But then I suppose it wouldn't of ended on a happy note, so bleh I dunno, I just didn't like it.
Oh I did like Giles saying Buffy's plan was bloody brilliant, that made me smile.
Angel and Buffy's bit at the start was kinda funny.
One thing I really loved about this episode was the music in the fight scene, when Buffy got up after she'd been lying on the floor and then there was just an explosion of totally emotive music, that was perfect. It's amazing the difference the right choice in music can make.
So it wasn't completly crap thinking about it now, but it wasn't good either.
Although I have to say I did almost cry... at the end when they were looking back at the big crater... I felt it coming, but I didn't quite get there. Obviously wasn't moving enough!
But I'm all sad now because it's the end! Thankgod I haven't seen every Buffy episode, so it's not the absolute end cos there's loads of episodes from every season except 5, 6 and 7 that I haven't seen. Woohoo!

Well anyway, that's what happeend today. I haven't done anything else...even though it's half 7 in the evening.
Oh, except I did almost do some revision, but didn;t quite ;D

Listening to: U2 - With or Without You


:: Alana 6:31 PM [+] ::
...

Got back from gunwharf with shaun, went to see how to lose a guy in 10 days. it was pretty crappy, quite funny in places though.
But his friend (dave) gave us a lift, and I forgot to say thanks :\ so I sent a txt and shaun hasn't replied and I feel really guilty... times like this I wish I didn't have a conscience!
It was a nice date though cos we went for a walk along the canal bit and stuff, was a bit windy though
and my bloody leg wont stop shaking! It was quite cold so that set my knee off, but my leg is really annoying me, and it won't stop and...arrgh

Study leave this week so I have to revise. No TV! Well except for neighbours and buffy :) Buffy finale!!! I can hopefully download it tommorow....woooooo!
damnit why won't shaun txt me and stop this horrible guilty feeling. I can't believe I just forgot to say thankyou, that is so rude!!
oh well anyway, I'm going to watch the buffy episode I downloaded now, yeah, sad or what? :-D

Listneing to: Bush - Wild Horses (live on some american chat show..)
:: Alana 11:04 PM [+] ::
...

a whole load of nothing week this has been.
college's been boring, and out of college's been boring...
Today I sat with Shaun out in the fieldy bit, it was nice cos we were having a truth thing, like telling secrets and stuff. Oooh and I got free creme eggs! Kyle had a big box of them and was giving them out in Biology, so that was nice ;D (I had two..) even on the way to the station after college I saw people eating them, lol.
I've cleaned out my room, like all my clothes, and I put all my papers in piles of what subject they are and stuff to try and get me to revise, maybe.

Geography exam in a week!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek
:: Alana 9:01 PM [+] ::
...

Saturday: met up with Heather and Courtney in town. Courtney was just the same, which was nice, I duno what but something was different about Heather.. I think she was more confident with herself or something. Went to pizza hut, then went around town. Oh yeah and I saw Chris (Chatburn) with his girlfriend in Ottakars, lol, he looks stupid. hehe. Heather went at about 4 or 5 or something to do something at her house so me and Courtney went to Ottakars for a coffee, had a nice catch up chat and stuff, which was nice
and...agh, i have a bit of french bread crust in my eye...... ok its out. no its not . ok its out!

then went home and had some wine and then realised how disgusting it is, ugh, can't beleive i used to like the stuff, it's awful! Gimme red square reloaded any day thanks.

Sunday: did chemistry open book exam. Fun galore.

Today: went to college. shaun has a cold :-( had a mild heart attack because of me sending my chem work to my email then trying to get it at college but the college computers dont let u go on email sites, cos they're gay. I thought I'd have to give in the work that was 140 words over. But after a lot of stressing and for-god's-sakeing (well I couldnt swear at them) I managed to get it all done but miss 35 minutes of chemistry. errr, then what. ooh god yeah during all that pete was sitting with me, I dunno why because he could've gone home ages ago but he was like, so why didn't you go out with shaun then? Got someone else in mind? and I;m like, ye what? And he seems to think I said no to shaun and I can see where it's going, and he comes out and says it :'( aaaah. I'm just like sorry pete but I go out with shaun.... I thought you liked jayne anyway?? and he says he's given up on her...

I didnt want to be mean but, like, he smells and he just so isn't my type but he's a really really nice guy, but yeah, so then he went.

and then i went on the train and cycled home in the rain!! wooooooooooooooooooooooo.. . . . ..........................

Listening to: The Cooper Temple Clause - Who Needs Enemies? (track 4)
:: Alana 5:23 PM [+] ::
...

Went to London yesterday.. ooh the fun. Although I did have to get up at about 6.30 which wasn;t good :-(
The lecture was sooo boring, there were 2 people doing it and the woman was really annoying.. she didn't make eye contact with anyone! She just stared at the ceiling when she spok,e like she was reading what to say off some screen, but there was just the ceiling...
And my bum really hurt yesterday, sitting on it for god knows how long isn' as easy as it sounds.
Shaun suggested buggering off and going on the london eye, but I didn't think a fiver would get us very high. Shame, cos I want to go on that sometime.

Hell is for Heroes are infecting me, it's worse than that phase with Audioslave. It's like anytime theres no noise I get the songs in my head, and I have cravings to listen to them at the most innapropriate times! Oh yeah and there's some things I forgot to write down yesterday about the gig.

I noticed that they played 'Three of Clubs' as there ending song (at least I remember it being the ending song), and it was such an appropriate song for the end, I mean there's the lines:
"We belong here on the inside, after all it's entertainment, you will get just what you paid for"
And then these lines
"I'll suffer, I'll suffer with you my friend, I'll suffer, I'll suffer until the end" and Justin was practically in the crowd at that point (sadly I'd lost my front spot cos Chris was getting whiny and wanted to get Shaun to phone his mum so she got there at the right time. If I'd stayed there I coulda touched him goddamnit!) but anyway I thought they were really touching lines at the end cos it was like everyone was together, everyone was one big family type thing, all the fans and stuff and he was all getting into it... I dunno if it was intentional that those lines would be the last, but if it was it was clever!

On to what actually happened today....not a lot! Oh, Gemma knows about me and Shaun now so tommorow probably everyone else'll know... ooh lookin forward to that. Erm. Didn't dio much today.

Still haven;t touched chemistry open book .... or done any revision. ... whoops!


:: Alana 6:53 PM [+] ::
...

got back from hell is for heroes..
got shouted at by the guy opposite us cos i was bangin on the door cos someone put the chain on the door so i couldnt open it!! so i had to go round back and bang on my mums bedroom door.

the gig was brilliant, 2 support bands, 1 was crrrrrrap!
Bluebird - crappy crap crap. the singer was a freak, he said portsmouth ports-mouth (they were from california) and he said we were children of portsmouth, children of the night, yeah whatever mate, go away.
kinesis on the other hand (2nd support band) were great!! i am going to find out some stuff on them later on.
it was great when hell is for heroes came on, the lights went down, then came on these kinda blue lights and there was weird voices in the backround kinda like the weird 'whats he building in there' thing at the start of muse - hullabaloo. and now i cant remember what song they did first. but it was great, they just got on and started rockin', and everyone went crazy!
i was right at the front with chris (shaun had lagged behind) and yeah, it was great.
the coolest thing i reckon was when justin thanked everyone for coming to see them and supporting them and thanked us for our kindness oh and bearing with him cos he hurt his back, i think - i just thought that was a really nice touch to the gig.
they played 2 songs i didn't recognise, new ones i guess.

oh yeah it was funny while we were queueing up cos we got there and there was like 20 people there, and they were all about 12! then more little 10 year olds came along and we were just....oh dear, this is gunna be infested with little kids! but then the older ones came along so it was okay.

yeah well i cant be arsed to write more i gotta be at college at quarter to 8 tommorow!! for crappy biology conference in london (i'll sleep on the coach). i wanted to get a hell is for heroes shirt but i left my purse at shaun's house :( plus i shoulda taken my camera with me...

ah well,

alana
:: Alana 11:13 PM [+] ::
...

in college at the moment, waiting for chris and shaun to finish their lessons cos I've finished mine but we cant go to shaun's house till he finishes his at 3.45, so i gotta wait... dang.
well today was quite funny. pete wants to ask out jayne...hehehe. Jayne!! whyyyy?? i mean she's nice an all but she gets on my nerves quite a bit. anywhoooooo im all excited about hell is for heroes.
im sitting in the college library and theres like another 10 up here in the computer bit all typing away, all i can here is type type type. yeah so im bored now, i should probably do some research for my chemistry open book exam which is due in in 6 days!!!! i havent done any of it...eeek

also, for some reason i kept having urges to write 'bloggy' or 'blog' in physics today. so most of my folder is now covered in bloggy blog blog and stuff.

tata,
alana
:: Alana 1:44 PM [+] ::
...

Wow, okay, a lot happened in about 2 hours.
We got a pizza, everything was fine, then I dunno I just told my mum to shutup cos she was being a retard, and she chucks piza in my face and calls me a "fucking bitch", now seriously my mum never swears so that was a huge shock. I just sat there with pizza on me for about 2 minutes trying to work out on her face whether she was sorry - i didn't see any sign of regret.
It's just I don't think she knows what she does to me. She is the only person who has ever made me feel worthless, like a pile of shit. No one else. She just doesnt know how her words can cut deep, and I try to point it out to her, say, look mum stop, your hurting me, I mean I don#t actually say it to her, I just try to make it obvious, but she doesnt understand. I'm a really sensitive person, and it's funny because people seem to think I'm some sort of ego-maniac (ok so I'll joke about it and pretend but I'm in no way confident about myself) but I'm just an insecure sad little person like everyone else.
And oh she just came in, for a minute there I thought she was going to apologise, but no, she just told me to clean my room and that there's going to be a massive clear up of the house. right, okay mum, that's great. How blind can people be? I mean how can she be so emotionless to not understand what's she's doing.

When I got the GCSE's results I was dreading taking them home. I show tjhem to her, she does what I expected, makes me feel like a pile of crap. And that's the only time ever I've wanted to kill myself. She made me feel so bad that I thought I wasn't any use in the world, it was only for a split second but it was there, and tha'ts a pretty big impact. If I hope anything in life, I hope I don't ever make someone feel the need to kill themself.

I can;t even be bothered to write this anymore. A few days ago it's all I wanted to do, write about how everything's so brilliant. A lot happens in a few days. Maybe tommorow will be sunny, here's hopin

Alana


:: Alana 10:49 PM [+] ::
...

Well, I've had a bit of a crappy day today.
First off it was okay up to about 3 o'clock, because before then I was at my dad's house, and it was all as fine as it can be in Wales. Then we go to the train station and discover our train only goes up to Southampton Central and so we have to get a bus journey the rest of the way! Argh! So ti took 40 minutes more than usual, plus there was this well annoying Up north woman on the bus who spoke really loud when she answered the phone and the whole bus got to here about what's been happening in Coronation Street! So that was fun. Luckily I had Muse, my walkman and earphones that had the blessed ability to crank up the loudest volume on the walkman to an even higher volume! Wooo.
So anyway, after the horrible train and bus journey, Duncan and I got home and I decide to phone courtney about what was meant to be happening tommorow, and of course, change of plans!!! He says Heather's mum's friend has died, or something, and they are going up to (or are in) Wales so she can't make it. How many times has this happened?? About 5. I'm guilty of one of them, I had to go to my dad's one weekend so that one got cancelled, but the other four where other things. Its like some evil power that be doesnt want us to meet up or something.
Theeeen, I start talking with my mum about the summer holidays and what's hapning and blah, and because since last summer we went camping with Jerry I thought we could do it again. But apparantly he might be starting a relationship with someone else, which is fair enough because it's kinda an open relationship (of sorts) but mum was telling me about the problem because he wants to get married and have kids of his own (he's 8 years younger than mum) but she's already got all the kids she wants, and doesnt want anymore. And another thing is that he is still angry and hurt about Christian because the thing is mum told him (before Christian was born) that she didnt want anymore children. Then she has a relationship with Peter (Jerry lives in Edinburgh and they only see each other once a year or sometimes less, so she's not a two timer or anything!) and Voila, Christian. So Jerry was a bit peeved to say the least at that! Cos he wanted Children with mum, and like, now she's got someone else's child ........ Problems! So yeah, but I thought everything was alright about that. But obviously not. And I really want to help but I don't think I can, because I don't know if they can be together. I know they love eachother, but I don't think they can be together because they want different things (It's sad that I thought of Friends because of Phoebe and whatsit, when she wanted to get married and he didnt and so they had to split up and whatnot...heheh, no I don't watch too much telly!) But I want to get them togehter again because mum's always so happy when they're togheter........
And when she walked away into the garden to do more gardening and I was sat on the kitchen floor (we'd just finished the chat) then I just felt so torn between what to do, and so helpless that I couldn't make her happy....... :(
Well anyway so here I am writing this out now, and um, that's what happening today.
Saturday.... we got a chinese and watched Memento (I picked it out..woo)
Friday night, I drank too many Red Squares and Bacardi Breezers and fell asleep on the sofa, and Duncan thought it wouuld be funny to write "I love Gareth Gates" on my forehead... I didn't see it till I went to the bathroom Saturday morning, lol.

Alana
:: Alana 7:00 PM [+] ::
...

Went to West Quay today with my mum, got some new clothes. I didn't really want that much but my mum was like here get this, get this, ooh and this! We went to Next first then Gap then Benetton. I wanted to go to this cool indie looking shop but my mum was like no all the clothes there are all black and miserable. So yeah got loads of clothes today.

Today was usual till lunchtime, Shaun got up to go do his computing work and I got up to go home and Chris was all ooh I'm gonna be left on my own and stuff. So yeah we walked to the main entrance then Shaun's like oh yeah I gotta ask you a question, and I knew what was coming anyway but it was still kinda like..woo. He asked me out..finally! And then he goes oh you dont have to answer now, then goes but I'm like no wait! Of course I do, and you knew that already! and then he was all shy and cute, hehe. So yeah I gave him a hug and went cos I had to get my train. I'm not looking forward to when everyone knows though, I mean Chris'll be okay, but all the other people like Phil and the other Chris and Ben and Doyle and everyone, and Gemma...argh, so dreading Gemma. Tehy're gonna go on about it. They'll be like aw thats so cute, and then Phil'll be like so what you done yet?? Blah blah.....

Anyway, I thought 25th Hour would be downloaded by now! Grr.... I'm watching it aain cos I first downloaded it about 2 and a half weeks ago, then I read the book (David Benioff - the 25th Hour..go read it, its brilliant) then I wanted to watch it again, so I downloaded it but it's taking like 5 days.......

I should go now to do some revision (Physics...woo)

Chow...
Alana
:: Alana 8:13 PM [+] ::
...